Everything you wear and do and say is a signal. You should use your appearance as a tool to find like-minded people and repel those who don’t share your values.
Hello, everyone who claims to be authentic is lying to you, especially on social media. Every raw post you see is curated, probably more so than seemingly “perfect” posts. We’re in a new era of social media where perfected nonchalance is the current trend. If you didn’t realize it yet, now you know. I want to talk about two examples of this new phenomenon, and talk about solutions for people trapped in the cult of authenticity. The first example is the Instagram trend of photo dumping, and then the second is about social media influencer Ballerina Farm.
Let’s talk about photo dumps first. So when Instagram first started (as a lot of us millennials will remember) users posted on their feed the way we post on stories today. We posted poor quality images that were snapshots of everyday life. Then, Instagram changed and professional photography and editing was Content King. Everything needed to be able to compete with highly skilled photography and meticulous editing as Instagram really exploded. Now, we’re seeing another revolution in content— we are returning to those roots of mundane, blurry pictures. However, this time it’s combined with the meticulous curation that characterized the professional photographer era of Instagram.
IG photo dumps are carousels of images that are artistically blurry, strangely close-up, of very mundane things, which are kind of like an inside joke. Like a big “if you know you know“ visual cue. What makes this trend so interesting is that, at first glance, these photos look like they really are candid. Perhaps the camera accidentally went off in your hand, and all the photos in the carousel are just randomly picked from a camera roll. But no, they’re not. They are artificially authentic. You are just meant to think that they are. They are posed, manipulated, edited, and curated to create a sense of nonchalance. If you could see the effort that goes behind posting these sorts of carousels, it would disabuse you of any idea that these are not as curated as highly edited, professional, fine art photography. “Candid” becomes a look, and any informally-shot pictures which don’t systematically fit this aesthetic of complete spontaneity are cut from the carousel. It is important that you acknowledge the intense effort and framing that goes into the photo dump as we begin to talk about the second example.
The Venn diagram of people I know who are obsessed with authenticity and the people I know who follow Ballerina Farm is a perfect circle. I think that BF is lovely and wonderful, and I have a lot of respect for her for carving out a space on social media that serves herself and her goals. While I don’t follow her because she doesn’t suit my particular style, I really applaud and admire her work. Recently, she’s come under fire on social media, especially on TikTok, because people are stitching her videos and revealing that her image of homesteading is (as they put it) “a lie”. They point out that although she dresses very humbly and her kids are dressed very humbly, her home looks very rundown and the walls are a little dirty and everything is a little bit messy, yet her stove is a $20,000 stove. Her husband is the son of the owner of JetBlue. Yes, they live on a farm, but they are, in fact, the employers on that farm and own a staff upwards of 20 people. Yes, she homeschools, and makes all her food from scratch, but they also have nannies and housekeepers and ranch hands and people who run their lives for them, so that they can devote their time to the appearance of homesteading. These are the claims against her that so many are up in arms about.
Both Ballerina Farm and the photo dump are examples of things that look and feel raw, unfiltered, AUTHENTIC, when really they are the product of branding, marketing, editing, and curation. And guess what? IT DOESN’T MATTER. Social media fans want to claim that because influencers make money off of their staged authenticity, they shouldn’t be allowed to market themselves. They call this lying.
In fact, that’s how all businesses work. And Ballerina Farm does not operate as a person, she operates as a business. Businesses don’t tell you everything. They don’t share their marketing strategies with you. They often withhold information from you that might affect your purchasing decisions.
“But she doesn’t feel like a business! She tricked me into trusting her as a person and LIED TO ME!!” Ok, well first of all, you must acknowledge that people are constantly spinning narratives about their own existence every day. You’re doing it right now, in fact, by creating a narrative of outrage: “I am an honest person, I would NEVER do x, y, z. She has tricked me by making this look accessible, but I am poooor and she is rich, and taking advantage of us!” If you want to think of BF as a person and not as a business, then she is acting in the same way that you act on a daily basis, whether you acknowledge it or not. Secondly, anyone who creates such an intense para-social relationship with an influencer to the point of feeling betrayal by the these revelations is mentally ill, or seriously in need of self-reflection. No individual should be placed on so high a pedestal in your heart; no human can bear the burden of being perfect forever. They will always disappoint you. I have more to say on this subject but will save it it for another post.
Now, how is this relevant to you if you are not an influencer, or not upset by these social media trends? You should be using the same tools others are using to accomplish your goals, monetary or otherwise. You need to realize that everything that you say, and do, and the way that you look is telling people something about yourself, whether or not you want to participate. Instead of getting mad about this, you should use it as a tool. Wield this information to your advantage.
Here’s a great example of how I like to do this: I am conflict-avoidant. If I get into a conflict and someone wants to really go at it with me, I will participate, but I try to defuse relational bombs as much as possible. I do this because 1) people are crazy. Everybody is, potentially, a ticking time bomb, so you don’t know who is going to be at their breaking point and do something absolutely insane and I don’t feel like dying. And 2), even if this is someone I know well and I know they’re not dangerous, it’s very difficult (relationally) to come back from huge blowout fights. So, I use my style, the jokes I make, the memes I post, and the subjects I bring up in conversation to signal my values to other people without getting into conflicts about them. People pick up on these cues and are either attracted or repelled by them. Its a win-win—I surround myself with good people, and dumb people stay away from me.
Everything you wear and do and say is a signal. You should curate your style, edit your words, frame your narrative to find like-minded people and repel those who don’t share your values because it will improve your quality of life immensely. Maybe marketing yourself to an audience who shares your values will make you money, attract cool opportunities, or maybe just bring you into the company of people who will understand your heart.
Love,
Tatyana